She's here!

V arrived yesterday!
7 lbs. 4 oz, 20.5 inches long

No Excuses & Excitement

Well, I'm not going to write the excuses for it taking this long to write again. Nobody wants to hear that kind of crap, much less read about it for 3 posts in a row. Moving on...

Last time I posted I was pregnant - but I didn't know it yet. I was hoping, but that damn bird doesn't always listen. This time she did and we couldn't be happier! We are due to have a little girl on (or around) November 17th.

photo by: Dylan Wyman

I am busy getting as ready - which means that we are planning a remodel on the house or going to start looking for a new one, whichever makes more sense to the pocketbook. What? you say? Why didn't you do this 3 to 6 months ago when the baby wasn't going to be here anyday? Well, that would make far too much sense. And I apparently can't deal will that little stress in my life, so I bunch everything up together just to keep things interesting. Yes, I know that makes me an idiot - but its a habit (or lifestyle) that I haven't been able to fix in this many years, so I don't know why anyone would think I could start now. Whatever. I'm just focusing on the fact that this baby is going to start off pretty small and she probably won't be able to whine about having her own room for quite awhile, so for now we're happy to deal with what we have. I can tell what she will have (and already does) ... a lot of people who are going to love her! And a million clothes!

Hope

Well, the good news is that it will not be hard to improve my posting frequency this year over last year, but the bad news is that I am not off to a great start this year!

Speaking of imperfect, I probably shouldn't post a link to someone else's piece in my first blog entry of the year - but who cares? I'm going to anyway. I have had this bookmarked for quite awhile now - I think you should read it. He does such a great job of the imagery in this post and I really like this way of thinking about hope - it really isn't all fluffy clouds and bunnies, you know. Originally posted here, I asked him for permission to post this awhile ago but it probably got lost in his junk filter. (If you are reading this and want me to change this post - just let me know...)

Hope is a thing with wings...and claws

(from Idea MechaniX, posted March 8, 2007)

"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.

And sweetest in the Gale is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest Sea
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb of Me.
—Emily Dickinson


How about that Emily, huh?

But there's something that Emily kept secret.
Like most creatures with feathers, Hope also has claws.

Hope speaks softly in lilting tones, making promises and demanding action. Hope cheers you and mocks you, whispering in twin tongues that you can do it, don’t give up while also berating you that you’re not trying hard enough, not nearly hard enough. Hope claims to have secret answers buried beneath its feathers, claims to be the keeper of secrets you desire, of answers that you seek, and will not give you any hints. Hope even claims to know the questions you should ask, and the reasons you should ask them, but will not offer clues. Hope awes and frustrates, inspires and disappoints. It won’t tell you clearly where you’re going, and at times blinds you with its feathers so you can't tell if you're even moving at all. And sometimes in that blinded state, wandering in a darkness self-imposed, you'd swear you could hear Hope laughing.

But Hope will not be left behind. It seems such a sweet and innocent thing, but it uses its claws. It perches in the soul tenaciously, grabbing hold of your most tender parts and refusing to loosen its grip. It uses those claws to avoid being put into in a bag, or on a shelf, or even slid behind your back when company comes. It's then that Hope cries out for attention, in a voice only you can hear.

When you would have quiet, Hope jumps up and down in a circle around your feet, anxious, requiring, demanding, making you feel the rapid thundering of it's quickened bird heartbeat as your own. Ignored, it will bite and scratch at you, until it draws blood, scream its name in your ear. Dare to strike out, and it will call its big sisters, Fear, Anxiety, and Despair, and they-will-kick-your-@ss. Don’t mess with Hope.

There is only one thing worse than the claws of Hope. That is if you should be so unfortunate as to make those claws release, and find a way to leave Hope on the road behind you. For where you leave Hope is your last marker on the road.

And from that point you shall progress no further.

And so you stroke it, and nurture, and coax breath back into its lungs. Because it is tenacious, and sometimes painful, and sometimes obstinate and willful. But it is yours, and you are its. With it the progress may be difficult, and sometimes painful, and even seemingly without point or direction. But without it you progress not at all.

Imperfect.

Well...this is clearly not what I had in mind when I said "keep it up." Every time I sat down to work on this, I would decide to wait because there was something going on that I didn't want to talk about here. Nothing major - but everything just wasn't perfect. Well, guess what? Life is almost never perfect. And life is certainly never so perfect for so long that you can keep up a sustained chat about it. I know this, you know this, everyone knows this...but I let it stop me anyway.

So here's my plan - I'm going to blog anyway. I'll post whats going on in my imperfect life, my imperfect crafts and, sometimes if you're lucky, pictures of my perfect niece B.

(She's only 1+, so life is pretty much perfect for her.)

New Years Resolution #1...

...done! Now I just have to keep it up...